1/23/11
I thought it was 01 for a second... trippy
I don’t have time right now, but I wanted to write a little. I fell asleep on the futon again.... woke up about 5:30 – went to bed. Never really went back to sleep. Been thinking for the last two hours. Thinking about how I feel ready to kick ass these days – maybe I’m in the manic phase of my not quite manic depression. Ever since last weekend, I’m ready to take on the world – I don’t know maybe I’m pissed off, angry, frustrated – but I don’t feel like that. I just feel motivated and ready.
I’ve been thinking about life since college. The ebbs and flows. I mostly remember the good times, knowing full well that a lot of it has been overly stressful and not great. The good times have been great though. And the bad times- Thanks to the grace of God and really good friends – I’ve coped. It’s those recovery periods. The last 7 months of my life... I don’t know how to do that very well – you can’t schedule it, you can’t control it, you can’t decide when it’s over.... It just hits, like hitting mud when you were on a highway.
It feels like spring this morning. As it got light, I heard ducks/geese, then I started hearing other birds and this cool breeze hit my face. But it’s no longer cool with the threat of cold – it’s cool in expectation of the sun.
Pride and Joy – I want to send my dad the lyrics to that song. It explains everything. I just don’t think he’d get it.
This is an upswing – this last month has had some new lows, but I think we’re on the upswing. My brother hit the tipping point and is now actively recovering. My mom.... I think the good days are balancing the bad days. And I’m on my way out of college life... on to new things, or a new period of old things- today feels like a new beginning.... not for any real reason.... maybe it’s the air... the feel of spring.... restless, motivated, ready to get shit done!
Cheers!
